Only The Memories Remain
by Ruthless
Summary: Duncan remembers somthing he did. Oneshot


AN. Most words in _italic _belong to Nickleback and are from the song "Far Away". I heard the song and my oh-so-wonderful muse wouldn't let me drop the idea so here it is. A little lenience if anything seems, or is wrong 'cause all of my knowledge comes from four episodes and reading fanfiction.

_This time, this place  
Misused, mistake  
Too long, too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know_

Duncan MacLeod's eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed like a shot. There were still things that he was coming to terms with, and things that he couldn't remember. There were other things that he didn't want to remember.

The tiny flash he'd seen in his dream just before was something he had pushed away before it could register, but a small part of it already had.

Duncan had never so desperately hopped that something wasn't true. In all of his four hundred years he had never been so afraid of something having happened. He didn't know what he would do if it had.

He could keep pushing it away. He could live with hope. He'd done it before, but in doing so he had learnt that it was hard. It was far easier to know what happened. He'd heard it said a thousand times that closure was better than anything else and to him, nothing else had ever rung so true.

_That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore_

Duncan tensed himself and tried to ease into it the way one might a hot bath after a long hard day. But that was pleasant. This wasn't. You weren't afraid of anything in a bath.

After a few seconds of nothing the Immortal relaxed his muscles and shut his eyes, resting back on the pillow, focusing.

The first image that swam before his eyes, clear as the break of day, was the first time he had meet the boy. If you could call getting robbed by a complete stranger meeting them. It was amazing what could be a good basis for friendship in this day and age.

Fear, on the point of terror, shining in Richie's eyes. Then again, anyone would be afraid with a sword being held to their throat. _Not to scared to show up with half my bloody jewellery in his pocket_ Duncan reminded himself.

A brief smile stole over his lips. The boy had slipped around his security system with the same finesse Amanda showed with her B and E. Not that he'd ever actually admitted that to him. He'd thought it best not to encourage those particular skills at that time.

He wasn't afraid of loosening track. He knew if it was there it would come.

The image he was seeing changed slightly. Richie was older, Immortal, and yet the expression on his face, in his eyes, was still the same. But as well as the fear there was pain. Not physical, but the deep emotional wounding that if left to fester could break a man's soul.

A blade angled through the darkness, cutting towards the kid's throat. Duncan recognized it instantly. How could he not when it was his? The metal went easily through flesh, muscle and bone. A familiar blue lightning crept from his neck and Duncan threw back his head, screaming, as though it had just struck him.

_On my knees, I'll ask  
__Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
I'll give anything but I wont give up  
'Cause you know,  
__You know, you know _

Breath caught in Duncan's throat and came out as a chocked sob. Sweat was running down his forehead as though he'd just completed a hard work-out. But he hadn't. He'd just started what would probably be the hardest work-out he was ever going to endure.

He could feel tears welling up behind his eyes. He wanted to go back a few seconds and keep pushing it away. The hell with everything people said about closure. This was worse. This was far worse.

Duncan had flipped some form of a switch and could no more stop the flow of memories now than he could with an actual Quickening. It was as though every single memory he was meant to get then had been delayed until now, when it could have maximum impact. When it could hurt him twice as much.

The worst were when he had been a child. Duncan knew Richie had had a rough past but nothing that he'd taken in his years, sometimes from Immortals hundreds of years older than he, could have prepared him for this.

He felt every blow that had been struck against the kid. Every moment of heart-wrenching fear. Hatred for those people that were meant to care for him that had dared harm him. Furry that he hadn't been able to prevent it. The numbness after being thrown out on to the street with only the shirt on his back. The hunger and fear in those first few days that had followed. Excitement the first time had had successfully picked a lock and the same after getting a car started without a key. And relief when he finally found someone that accepted him.

Duncan fought to control his breath. This wasn't a Quickening. It was a thousand times deeper, a thousand times more powerful.

_That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
And you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore _

Richie had been brash, annoying, rough, argumentive, almost never shied away from speaking his mind and he had made a new definition for the word stubborn. Not to mention that master-thief fetish he'd held. There had been no way Duncan could not have loved him, like the father he'd so wanted to be.

Even with all of his faults, Richie had been an amazing kid. If he stuffed things up he'd always tried to set things right. He was quick to defend those few people that he'd come to care about, that cared about him in return. He'd continually been surprising Duncan.

He had reached in, without consent, and touched his soul.

Duncan had also been surprise by the strength and intuitive the kid had shown. Now he knew just how much strength there had been.

Richie had built some pretty bloody solid wall around his heart, but that had been to be expected. It had taken a fair while to get through to the lad.

Older people had become bitter, having to deal with far less. Far wiser people had pushed away anything that had been offered to the for fear of insincerity, or having it drawn away just as they reached out. Richie could have so easily have done the same. He could have turned on them around him, or worse, tried to end it.

It wasn't as though anyone expected much more from a street kid, in particular one that had been to juvie. Richie, however, had risen above everyone's expectations.

_So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know _

The last time they had talked had probably been four months ago. He hated to think that so long had passed between them. When they had parted there had defiantly been tension.

They hadn't talked, and all because of some argument that was so stupid

He couldn't even remember what it had been about. He'd thought that by giving Richie some space, and some time to cool off, he would be doing him a favour.

It was only now that he remembered Richie didn't think like that. Only now that he remembered that the one thing he'd been most afraid of with Duncan had been disappointing him and driving him away.

Silently, in the cold, lonely dark of his room Duncan cursed himself. Every time Richie had fallen before, he had been there to help him back to his feet. The one time that it would have mattered the most, he had failed.

He guessed that showed just how bad things had got.

_I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you _

For a few seconds Duncan let himself indulge in the fantasy that it was over. For a few seconds he was gifted with blessed silence.

Another memory rose up, this one far more vivid that the others had been, and considering the power of the others, that was saying something. He could remember this himself.

They'd had an argument. That wasn't a particularly uncommon event in it's self but this one had been worse than most because he'd tried to hide what he had done from the older man because he hadn't wanted to be shoved out the door.

The point hadn't been the stuff-up. What had ticked Duncan off was that he'd tried to hide it.

He had been exhausted, hell, totally wiped, but there had been no way in this lifetime or the next, that he was going to let things drop like that. Not knowing the type of person Richie was.

Now he knew that his boy had been feeling the same way. Fingers slipped under his chin and tilted his head back. His eyes shut tight, afraid of being struck, but a soft voice spoke to him, "Please Rich, look at me."

Trembling he slowly complied, opening his eyes to meet the gaze of the centuries older man above him, "Yeah?"

"I know things are not going to be totally smooth sailing, lad, but I want you to keep in mind that no matter how upset, or disappointed, or angry I may be, I'm always going to be here to help you pick up the pieces, Tough Guy."

"Why?" asked a bitter tone.

"Because that's what family is for. And like it or not, that's what you are to us."

The power of the memory finally let go of Duncan. Fresh tears ran down his cheeks. He would give all of the world to hold that man who had been his son in his arms again. And he would give up his Immortal soul if it would change the past.

But the strands of time had never unwound for any man before him, and nor were they going to bend to the will of this one person. He would never be able to apologise to his son for failing him. All he had left for comfort were the memories.


End file.
